Why Won’t You Just Say No?
‘No’ seems to be a very hard word to say a lot of the time and yet very easy to say at other times.
Who do you tend to say No to the most? Is it yourself? Or is it your Children? Perhaps you aren’t using the ‘N’ word when you most need to. Perhaps, just perhaps using this little word, you could free some emotional burden and bring about some peace and time out in your life…..I heard that. That little voice. Ha. Belinda what is time out? There just aren’t enough hours in the day for some time for me.
Well I am here my dear chicky babe to help you out. Let’s discover some free time and chillout time just for you. There are 24 hours in a day and it is up to you to fill your time wisely.
We run around like crazy women, going places that a lot of the time we really don’t want to go. Think about it. You know those days. You drop the kids off at school, race to the shops, have plans to meet friends for coffee and then the phone rings. It’s work asking you to start early. You really want to say no but that little voice in your head starts talking to you at the same time “I should just say no. I’m catching up with the girls and now I am to have to blow them off. It’s such a nice day and now I’m going to be stuck inside. Oh but I can’t let work down. They need me” You are torn between keeping your boss happy and keeping yourself happy. So you choose someone else’s happiness over your own. Again! It’s certainly not the first time this week. Is it?
When we say yes to others, we say no to ourselves. This causes stress and sometimes even resentment towards the person that you should have just said no to.
How many parties have you said yes, you would go to and you realllllly did not want to go? So you waited until the last minute and made up some lame-ass excuse that you couldn’t go and then you just ended up feeling really crappy about it! Yep. We have all done it. I have been guilty of this myself.
Now picture this. Imagine what it would feel like to say no every now and then. How do you think your life would be different if once in a while you put yourself first (and I am not just talking about saying no to work and friends here either)? You need to make decisions for your own health and sanity. You do not have to say yes to everything. I know. I know. It’s a shock. We are brought up to be polite little beings and we say yes and do what we are told. Screw that. This is your life and you only have one chance. Do you want to have a life filled with days spent doing ‘things’ that other people want you to do? Or would you much prefer to have day’s filled doing things that YOU want to do?
Like most things, it takes a lot of practice saying no. I teach my clients the art of saying no and help my ladies with steps to take towards saying no. My big thing? Baby steps. Yes, it sounds simple right? Start with something small that you can say no to and keep going from there. When the ‘big things’ come along that you want to say no to, it is much easier if you have been practicing this new way of choice.
Next time you really don’t know how to say no, try this. Respond with “I will have to get back to you on that, if that is ok? I have a lot going on and I really don’t want to over commit and end up disappointing you. So I will have a look at my schedule/diary/calendar and let you know. Is that ok?”
This shows that you are being up front and letting the person know there is a possibility that you may not be able to commit.
· It gives you time to say no when you are comfortable (don’t leave it until the last minute though)
· You feel better about yourself as you haven’t lied and said yes with all intention of letting down your friend/boss later.
· You have time to do something for yourself instead
Will you practice this next time someone asks you to do something that you really don’t want to do?
When have you said yes and regretted it?
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